I'm home today while the Air Conditioning Guys install a new unit for the kitchen/family room part of our home. The weather is hot, steamy and miserable from days of rain followed with this morning's scorching heat. We've struggled through two days of "too hot to use the kitchen" and "too hot for good humor". By this afternoon, we'll be cool again for family room life.
I ran errands this morning to be home for the AC Guys. I arrived home to find the mailbox overflowing with college ads (for LD, the High School Senior), two bills and THE CHRISTIAN CENTURY.
I sorted the mail, threw another load into the wash and wandered off to read the new mag.
I turned to Gordon Atkinson's When Members Leave. He's got that right.
The next article, Life Expectancy: On Not Praying for a Miracle by Dayna Olson-Getty blew me away. She writes about her pregnancy with a baby with acrania, a birth difference where the skull does not form. She writes, "We can expect that if he makes it through birth, our little one will live for just a few minutes or hours".
With real honest words, Olson-Getty describes the planning she and her husband are making for their baby.
This article is part of the picture of why I am a Christian. To live our lives, with honesty and realism, to be faithful to God while enduring what makes no sense to many while living into a future with God, this is what is beautiful and weepy about faith.
If you got your September 22 issue of the CENTURY, read this article. If you don't subscribe, consider ordering a subscription.
Thank you, God, for people of faith. God bless the Olson-Gettys,
St.Casserole
Showing posts with label grief. Show all posts
Showing posts with label grief. Show all posts
Monday, September 14, 2009
Monday, June 09, 2008
Next Monday, I will stand at a graveside to lead a service for the reinterment of a child's body. The child died in the 1970's and buried in a faraway State. His mother wishes to have him near her and will bring his body back here.
The theological issues of holding on to the body after death are clear to me. The pastoral issues here speak loudly of the mother's need to have her child near her. Until now, the father did not agree to having his son's body moved. The parents divorced thirty or so years ago, after the son died.
Anyone want to help me plan this graveside service? This is my first re-interment.
The legal and funeral home regulations are fulfilled. No need to worry about those.
Of course, the cemetary will charge for opening and closing the grave. Of course, the funeral home will charge for delivery and handling the remains.
The child received Christian burial years ago. Any ideas for this re-interment?
St. Casserole
The theological issues of holding on to the body after death are clear to me. The pastoral issues here speak loudly of the mother's need to have her child near her. Until now, the father did not agree to having his son's body moved. The parents divorced thirty or so years ago, after the son died.
Anyone want to help me plan this graveside service? This is my first re-interment.
The legal and funeral home regulations are fulfilled. No need to worry about those.
Of course, the cemetary will charge for opening and closing the grave. Of course, the funeral home will charge for delivery and handling the remains.
The child received Christian burial years ago. Any ideas for this re-interment?
St. Casserole
Friday, April 13, 2007
Talking with Widows
All of us in pastoral ministry visit widows. Church is filled with widows.
As a young pastor, I thought that being a widow wasn't too much of a big deal. Men die before women so if you live long enough, you lose your husband. Women must know this, I thought, so they are prepared.
At that time, I didn't know anything about long time love, like being married for decades. Didn't know a thing about the loving meld of a committed relationship.
I didn't intend to be dismissive of widow's grief. I knew nothing about it.
I will have lunch soon with a recent widow. J. died just a few weeks ago. His wife, T., is a friend of many years. Both were in their 70's (is this the New 50's?) with a 50 year marriage.
Pastoral care means visiting with the family before a death occurs, if you can. Then, visit the dying and their family. When you get word of the death, go visit as soon as you can. You may be planning a funeral for the family so you'll want to talk with the wife, children and any family who come to grieve with her. Ask those funeral planning questions.
What I didn't know as a young pastor, and what I know now from observation is the disruption caused by death.
When a spouse dies, the survivor loses the most significant character in their life Story. One day, identity is assured; the next day, all is up for grabs.
Our part of this is to allow the spouse to tell her story as often as she wishes. Some think that bringing up the dead spouse in conversation may be too painful. Denial of death makes grief more horrible. We talk about our spouses and then we are to be silent about them?
Widows don't know themselves after their spouse dies. Some of course are relieved and we must acknowledge and affirm this with them because every death makes someone happy. Perhaps the decedent's physical pain, now ended, causes joy. Or, the spouse was a creep and the widow is free of him.
One of the charming things I observe is how at death, a widow can turn a spouse she complained about every moment becomes A Great Saint. Why not? As long as she is able to heal from death, we may need a few saints. Yep, I said that.
I dread the day I lose Mr. C. His life means all to me and I've been grateful for his presence in my Story from Day 1. At this point, everyone says, "well, he wasn't perfect" and I say, "of course not! who'd want to be married to a perfect human?" When my Story is told you'll hear about Mr. C because, by God's Grace, we've had a love match.
Blessings to you,
St. Casserole
As a young pastor, I thought that being a widow wasn't too much of a big deal. Men die before women so if you live long enough, you lose your husband. Women must know this, I thought, so they are prepared.
At that time, I didn't know anything about long time love, like being married for decades. Didn't know a thing about the loving meld of a committed relationship.
I didn't intend to be dismissive of widow's grief. I knew nothing about it.
I will have lunch soon with a recent widow. J. died just a few weeks ago. His wife, T., is a friend of many years. Both were in their 70's (is this the New 50's?) with a 50 year marriage.
Pastoral care means visiting with the family before a death occurs, if you can. Then, visit the dying and their family. When you get word of the death, go visit as soon as you can. You may be planning a funeral for the family so you'll want to talk with the wife, children and any family who come to grieve with her. Ask those funeral planning questions.
What I didn't know as a young pastor, and what I know now from observation is the disruption caused by death.
When a spouse dies, the survivor loses the most significant character in their life Story. One day, identity is assured; the next day, all is up for grabs.
Our part of this is to allow the spouse to tell her story as often as she wishes. Some think that bringing up the dead spouse in conversation may be too painful. Denial of death makes grief more horrible. We talk about our spouses and then we are to be silent about them?
Widows don't know themselves after their spouse dies. Some of course are relieved and we must acknowledge and affirm this with them because every death makes someone happy. Perhaps the decedent's physical pain, now ended, causes joy. Or, the spouse was a creep and the widow is free of him.
One of the charming things I observe is how at death, a widow can turn a spouse she complained about every moment becomes A Great Saint. Why not? As long as she is able to heal from death, we may need a few saints. Yep, I said that.
I dread the day I lose Mr. C. His life means all to me and I've been grateful for his presence in my Story from Day 1. At this point, everyone says, "well, he wasn't perfect" and I say, "of course not! who'd want to be married to a perfect human?" When my Story is told you'll hear about Mr. C because, by God's Grace, we've had a love match.
Blessings to you,
St. Casserole
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