Friday, November 05, 2004

"Bless This Ring, O Lord"

My State voted on same sex marriages Tuesday. The people said only heterosexuals can marry.
I’m confused by this. If the State is concerned about the sanctity of marriage, then it follows that the State will increase worker’s pay so that parents can live on earnings from only one job each. If the mother wishes to stay home with children, tax relief would enable her to do so. Working one job would enable parents to care for children and spend time with their spouse. It would make sense for a couple wishing to marry to spend six months in weekly counseling and delay their marriage until they had known one another for two years. Adultery could result in jail time. Divorce could be fined thousands of dollars. Pornography would be outlawed as I understand that many marriages are defiled by one or more of the partners becoming involved in pornography. Media representation of relationships would reflect fidelity, honesty, mutual affection and determination rather than sexual behavior. If we wish to help marriage, maybe these changes to how we consider marriage would be helpful. I think it is odd for the State to want to say who can marry when the State doesn’t recognize anything but heterosexual marriage as it is.
Of course, the marriage vote thingie was a political move by cynical and frightened men who want to be known as righteous without the accompanying work of really supporting long-term healthy marriages.
Your marriage doesn’t affect mine. I have a Christian marriage but this is what I was led to by my faith. If you have another kind of marriage, I would assume that is your choice. If you married too young, too quickly, ill-advised, neurotically or whatever, then you entered into a relationship under your own will. I feel compassion for those who have miserable marriages. I feel sorry for couples for whom marriage is a misery. What can I do to help? I’m willing to help.
However, your marriage is not my marriage and despite the smugness of that statement, I assume you are willing to take responsibility for your marriage as I do with mine. I do not think it makes any sense for the State to be involved except to protect children and abused spouses. Unless the State is willing to provide structures so that all people desiring to marry can have the best possible success, I say "Stay Out of It".

1 comment:

Nightwoodkitty said...

Not only that, but what of the choice to marry denied an estimated 40 million Americans, meaning they are denied a 1000+ federal and state benefits and kept marginalized. My church encourages all to enter covenant relationships with each other - in other words it would want gay and lesbian couples to get married up if they can make such a commitment. Where is the huge national thank you note to gay Americans for subsidizing marriage, divorce courts, etc. while not getting the same financial benefits including social security survivor benefits. I understand that Pentecostals have a 44% divorce rate (higher than the 28% for Presbyterians or 25% for Catholics)so perhaps there is mass nervousness about marriage in some quarters. I agree that cleaning up the culture would help - but we have Fox News/Rupert Murdoch simultaneously preaching Republican intolerance and producing crude trashy schlock.

Different subject, but the film "Normal" starring Jessica Lange is a very interesting marriage movie.