Monday, June 23, 2008

Driving to Church yesterday, I came to a painful realization.
I'm at the end of the last of Alexander McCall Smith's No.1 Ladies Detective Agency audio book, the latest book in the series. The Head of the Agency* is talking with her Associate Detective about a third character who has behaved badly. Wisely, the Head concludes that the third character's behavior comes not so much from anger but from jealousy. There is anger, but it rises out of jealousy towards the Associate Director.

It came to me that as I move toward the 30th anniversary of my ordination I have wallowed around in jealousy towards colleagues whose work is more mobile than mine and who've accomplished glories I haven't.

I felt ill.
My blessings and opportunities are enough to entertain me into eternity.
I have blessings more than I can count.

I, therefore, heave aside jealousy and commit myself to returning to sanity.
Because being jealous means ingratitude and evaluating others by their exteriors.

And, Lord knows, I'm grateful for my life, as is.

St. Casserole, chastened again

*I listen to the series on CDs so I do not know how to spell the Botswana names! Beautifully read by a British actress who lived in Botswana, I recommend listening to catch the African inflections.


Songbird said...

It's funny, when I first read "chastened," I saw "christened." Isn't that some of what we all need? To feel the water on our heads, and remember that we are all part of the body, wherever we are?
Loving you from afar, as always.

God_Guurrlll said...

I can so relate to what you wrote. I find that chasing after accolades is an empty pursuit. I've found peace in knowing that what I do is all to the glory of God, not to the glory of myself.

Peace and love,

Cathy said...

How nice you got to listen to the books. I would love to hear the pronunciations of the name.

Congratulations on your anniversary of your ordination. Thirty years is a long time!

cheesehead said...

There is a friend (not a revgal) to whom I give a fair amount of cr*p for his relentless pursuit of personal glory.

I do the same stupid stuff myself, just on a different schedule.

Love you. Really.

Presbyterian Gal said...

It takes lots of muscle to be chastened and to heave aside things like jealousy.

I'm almost up to bench pressing that much weight.

You are one strong mama.

Gracebythesea said...

Cass, your honesty and authenticity always calls me to doing the same.

Mary Beth said...

A. I am wowed by your honesty

B. I am so farking impressed by you that I am amazed that you are not as impressed by you as I am

C. Love you. Mean it.

D. I have only ever READ those books, and been sad (really!) that I didn't know how to pronounce the names. It never occurred to me (duh) to get the audio book. Now I have requested it from the library, woo hoo! So thank you!