Tuesday, June 21, 2005

Funny Moments in Ministry

Finding my "voice" in preaching, after several years of drinking Pepto-Bismol to get through a service, and realizing my voice is LOUD. Finding one's voice as a preacher is similar to a writer's search for her voice. My voice was both delighted to be preaching and the volume, LOUD.

Hearing a man "AMEN" me in a staid church. I stopped and started laughing. First time it ever happened to me! Little did I know I'd be the preacher for an African American congregation where I became addicted to the energy of being "amened", "tell it, Preacher!" and "I know that's right!"

Preaching with my alb inside out. Didn't notice until later.

Seeing myself on wedding videos. Even worse than the wedding pictures. Thank goodness, weddings aren't about me.

Dropping the lids of the communion trays loud enough to make the organist gasp.

Hearing the organist hit single long notes during the service when she fell asleep at the keyboard.

Watching a man pick his nose during the entire sermon. Fascinating.... He didn't realize that I can see everything? Is this a benefit of far-sightedness or a curse? Discuss among yourselves.

Doing a funeral with a Baptist pastor who referred to the dead person by my name throughout the entire service and keeping a straight face.

Being shown scars, incisions, body parts by patients in the hospital. I am modest. I hope I never do this to anyone.

Having a hospital patient explain to me that her boyfriend's you-know untied her tubes during sex. Having to leave the room before I doubled over laughing.

Co-officiating with an Episcopal priest who had an erection while doing a wedding. I wouldn't have noticed but the bride was hysterical. The congregation thought she was just happy. I couldn't get through with that service fast enough. Top that for inappropriate behavior!

13 comments:

St. Casserole said...

The Episcopal priest's "situation" even showed up in the wedding pictures.

John said...

What was the priest wearing that made such an event even noticeable?

Purechristianithink said...

I think we all have a stack of stories like these--we should write a book! At the very least it would comfort new pastors who think they must be doing something wrong for stuff like this to happen to them . . .

Princess of Everything (and then some) said...

Your job sounds so much like MY job!!! ~laffin~ I have seen way too many body parts. One man was so proud of his dentures that he popped them out of his head so that I might admire them also. Then there was the lady in the wheelchair that was scratching her underarms so much her boob popped out. Oh I love this job.

SpookyRach said...

That is hysterical!!! Keep 'em coming!

Anonymous said...

book ... book ... book ... book

PPB said...

Oh my.

marie said...

I may have to rethink this mid-life career change. You'd think I'd have better stories from teaching teenagers for 16 years. I most assuredly do not. I'm a little worried now!

Songbird said...

Oh, were we hooting over the Episcopal priest!
My husband's comment: "That must have been one hot bride."

the reverend mommy said...

Oh. My. Goodness.
What was the priest wearing?
Never noticed anything like *that.*
Oh. My.

I remember serving communion to a visiting teen who, when handed the bread and told "The Body of Christ, given for you." said VERY loudly "Gro-o-o-oss."

Or the Dude who decided to trim his toenails in the middle of the anthem.

revmom said...

I'm just reading along, chuckling to myself, thinking "Mmhmm. I can imagine that." Then you drop the old Episcopal erection on me.

Can't top that one!

Friday Mom said...

I'm laughing so hard! What a ministry you've had....

And, Marie, don't you want to have such wonderful stories to tell? What else could you do and possibly be witness to such wonderful, human-filled messes?

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