Tuesday, June 21, 2005

Remarkable Things I've Actually Seen as a Minister

As I float down Memory Lane to my Ordination Anniversary, I thought I'd write a list of amazing things I've seen/witnessed/observed as a minister.

Once, during a funeral in a driving thunderstorm, the double doors to the sanctuary blew open with a rush and the candles blew out on the Communion table. Then the power went off. Just like in a horror movie......

Once in worship, a congregant was trying to kill a wasp with a hymnbook against the window pane. Windows were plain clear glass in the very old church. He pushed the hymnbook on the glass to squish the wasp and the hymnbook, wasp and window pane fell out towards the ground.

I heard something during the prayer and thought, what's that? It was an elder CLIPPING HIS FINGER NAILS during the prayer.

During worship, the senior pastor grabbed his Book of Common Worship, slammed the choir door to the sanctuary, got into his car and drove away. Catch that? During the worship service!
He was having a temper fit just before Communion.

During a Session meeting, one elder SPIT on another elder. Not an accidental spray (which is gross enough) but hocked a louie.

During the service, a toddler got away from her mama and wandered to the pulpit and stood there with her arms up high for me to pick her up. I thought that was important enough to stop my preaching and snuggle with her.

Being told to make the sermon short because the sanctuary was cold and "ol' man So and So" might have another heart attack if he got chilled.

Hearing the Moderator of Presbytery explain to the Presbytery that if they didn't like lady preachers it was ok for them to vote against my reception as pastor.

Having a newspaper editorial written about me in small town Virginia. Not about my abilities or work but about my gender. The letters to the Editor in response continued for six months.

Having a young child ask me if I was God's wife.


More later. Time for more coffee. Happy Summer, by the way. First day of summer and all that begins. It's 75 degrees here before 7 am. this morning.

4 comments:

Revmom said...

More! More! Give us more!

SpookyRach said...

You have got to give us more details on these! They sound like really great stories!!! Thanks for the laughs.

PPB said...

Are you?
God's wife?
And if you are, can you clarify something for me---male or female?

Lorna said...

loved this

keep the tales coming