Let them Talk

Pastors learn from listening to their people.
When we listen, we learn the issues, the interests and hurts of those we offer ministry. Make listening a goal this year.

Yours,

St. Casserole

Reading

My Presbyterian Outlook subscription expired sometime in 2009.

I can't recall exactly when. I have a pile of subscription notices asking me to renew. Each notice was placed in my "get to sometime" stack in my filing system without engendering any desire to write a check for another year. Sorry, but the Outlook's lifeless black and white covers of odd pictures, along with editorials I found tiresome, never-used International Bible Study lessons and a back page of pastoral ending and beginnings of people I don't know just wore me out.

My first subscription to the Outlook began as a freebie for seminarians. In the late 70's I was interested in the magazine. Over the years, and especially in the last five or so years, I read fewer articles. I began throwing away copies after glancing through the pages. I should have known what this meant.

Loving magazines is part of my DNA. Throwing away copies is not a good sign. As the child of a father who kept stacks of Life, Saturday Evening Post and National Geographic on bookcases in his workshop, I value the printed page. National Geographic's from the 1920's survived past his death in the 1980's and were thrown out, mostly intact in the mid-1990's when my parent's home was sold.

All magazines are troubled these days. I'm sorry about the hard times of magazine publishing. I doubt many will return when the economy improves because we've learned to get our content from the internet. I think I kept up my subscription to the Outlook because I want places for people to start conversations and discuss ideas about the Church. The Christian Century fits my needs in this arena.

But, I feel odd about putting an old friend out to pasture.

Yours,
St. Casserole

For Historical Record

June 25 was the 31st anniversary of my ordination to the Word and Sacrament of the Presbyterian Church, U.S. (now the Presbyterian Church (U.S.A.) and...

the formation of the Anglican Church in America in Bedford, Texas.

When I complain that battles fought 31 years ago continue today, believe me.

Jesus, won't you come by here,
Jesus, won't you come by here,
Now is such an easy time,
Jesus, won't you come by here.


St.Casserole

Opossums and O People!

Early this morning, I heard an opossum scream in a neighbor's yard. Opossums are good pals because they eat pests. Unfortunately, they make a miserable scream noise when frightened. The sound reminds me of a human scream for a microsecond until I recall I'm listening to a prehistoric marsupial who does not want to harm me. "Leave ME Alone!" is the subtext of the scream.

Good neighbors in the yard. Loud screaming when disturbed. Reminds me of O People in congregations who respond to fear by screaming.

If the squeaky wheel gets the grease, then Opossums are the wheels who get attention. Same with O People who raise their voices when feeling uneasy.

I leave opossums alone. I move closer to O People to determine what is upsetting them and to reassure them.

Screamers aren't attractive. Look at the opossum picture. I walked out to my driveway in Biloxi years ago and almost fell over an opossum. Yuk! I ran in one direction, Ms. Opossum sped off in the other.

O People screaming attracts attention but doesn't do the o person much good. Go find out what is going on and begin to deal with the problem. If O people feel heard, they scream less. If O people get appropriate (not fearful) attention from you, they may learn how to express their fears without screaming.

St.Casserole, still learning

Fear: It's Everywhere

This NYTimes article makes me feel ill. Not because I don't believe the article, but because I know it is true.

If all we have to fear is fear itself, then I'm getting afraid of the level of fear and anxiety I see around me.

We need strength to be available to those who need us. To offer companionship through these times.

Lord, help us not smite those who put odd apocalyptic spin on current events. Amen.

Hope, trust and humor help us. So does a listening ear.

Holy Week, it lasts a month,

St.Casserole

If your mind and heart are full of concerns about people, and you've prayed your early morning prayers, the best thing to do is pick up A Wrinkle In Time to read.

Really.

Here and There,

St.Casserole

I'm blogging less and less. I'm busy with many activities.


And, I don't have a verger.




If I had a verger, I'd blog more.

Where is my verger? I need one. I'm serious.


St.Casserole, working under difficult circumstances without a verger

The Language of Ministry

I'm concerned about a colleague who is missing ques from his congregation.

He's got a vision of where the church should go and a plan for getting there.

Too bad the congregation cannot hear his vision. It's bad for the colleague who finds the congregation frustrating and confusing. He is critical of them and not happy. The congregation sees him as friendly one day and aloof the next day.

If he speaks to me about the situation, I suggest he pivot to another direction to share the vision. Push less and listen more, I suggest to him.

When I hear complaints about his ministry from his congregation, I remind them that he needs to hear from them about the issues. Talk to him, I suggest. He wants to do well in your church as much as you want the church to do well.

I think I know what is going on. The pastor wants to prove something. Maybe he wants to prove his competency or brilliance as a leader. He came with a mission. But did he listen to understand the congregation's understanding of mission? Does he know the language of this congregation or has he been busy teaching them his ideas?

Balance. Discernment. Listening. Trust. We need all of these gifts in ministry.

I can speak to this issue because years ago, I went to a family type church run by one family who called me only because no one else would go there as pastor. I saw the church as a great white field ready for harvest. I saw the growth potential and the mission possibilities. I saw a new heaven and a new earth.

Great for me! No one else wanted growth. Growth meant accommodating people outside the accepted "family" of the congregation. No one wanted mission. Mission would mean giving to others when the congregation's needs were greater than anyone else according to them.

I became frustrated. They became hateful. It was a PAR-TAY of bad communication.

I did not listen to them. They did not listen to me. I had too much energy for a maintenance congregation. They had too much unease with my gender to accept me. I was not blue collar in their eyes. It was a mess.

My colleague is in a similar situation without the class issues. He has cultural dis-connect with them as a non-Southerner. He doesn't listen. They can't hear him.

This is on my mind,

St.Casserole Photo from I Can Haz A Cheeseburger/lol cats

Before Worship, Please Do Not Fall

down the floor vent hole.

Especially if you are wearing vestments and visiting with visitors.


Watching the Pastor fall backwards into a deep hole* in the floor is upsetting and should not be used as an evangelism tool.

I'm O.K. I have a perfect bruise above my knee (that's where my leg stopped going through the building), scrapes and cuts. I can walk, talk and didn't use language unbecoming a minister at the time of the accident.


One almost-new-member took me to the bathroom to help me unfurl my shredded stockings and try to keep the blood off my alb. She used her R.N. skills to advise me on what to do about tending the wounds but my mind was on my broken shoe.

Dang! I ruined a pretty pair of preaching shoes.



Gals, learn from me.

Keep out of construction areas in your church unless you keep your eyes open and your feet on solid floor.

Love,
St.Casserole

*Little Church is a raised wooden framed building, no basement, open foundation.

I Need Help Finding A Primer on Pastoral Care for Lay Adults

I'm teaching a lay ministry program in the Spring on pastoral care.
Can you suggest a basic primer on pastoral care for a varied group of adults? Many are educated, as many are high school graduates only. All are active in church.

Thanks, I need suggestions!

St.Casserole

Ministry Things

Do not forget to take up the offering. If a church member waves a check at you, consider that you may have forgotten.

Take all food offered to you. If you have a new or newish car, please do not bring home a crock pot of hot soup. Just don't.

If you forget where you are in your sermon, you are in trouble. Look down at your outline and begin praying.

Even if the Holy Spirit is watching your back, wearing your chasuble inside out will show.

Pick a few hymns the congregation knows. Just a few. No one is asking you to be perfect.


Arghhh,
St.Casserole

People in Trouble? Call Them

Here's some advice on being a pastor:

If you hear a colleague is in trouble, call them. You don't have to do a gossip monger on them, don't even mention the trouble. If they want to talk about it with you, they will bring it up. But call them. Don't leave your peeps out to dry in misery.

If a local official or neighbor or whoever gets indicted. Call them. Write a note if you'd rather do that but get in touch with them. Let them know you know they are in trouble and you are praying for them.

It doesn't matter if you think they are guilty. An indictment means the grand jury says they need to be in court. Grand juries present one side of the issue, the defendant doesn't get to present his/her side.

Probably you don't know anyone in jail. Think about how isolating and miserable it is to have your name in the paper as an accused.

Our Mayor is indicted. His wife, too. I doubt they did anything wrong but the Grand Jury handed down enough charges to scare the skin off an elephant. People are judging them without knowing the case. The couple have elementary school children. Once the government decides to move on you, you are in big trouble. I think the Mayor's troubles are a technicality without any thought of fraud. Whatever is going on, anyone who knows the Mayor needs to hand him support rather than allowing him to dance in the wind, friendless and pronounced guilty.

Come on, reach out to the troubled.

St.Casserole

Young Clergywomen

Preacher Coffee Group this week discussed the good influence of the young clergy in our conferences, presbyteries, etc. We have one just-about-30 year old who drinks coffee with us. We consider him a treasure.

Rev. Bird Dog said that when he was a young pup preacher, the old guy preachers made things difficult for him. They lied to him, let him know he knew nothing worthwhile and used him for scut work. He says he vowed to never do that to a younger pastor.

I witnessed similar stuff as a young pastor. Older preachers made it clear that I needed to "apprentice" for years before anyone took me seriously and because I was a woman, my sojourn as a scut worker would last longer. I vowed to not treat younger colleagues like this.

When I preach about Samuel's call tomorrow, I'll reflect on his prophetic ministry even though he was young. "Even though", as if God recognized age as a blessing! Age doesn't mean much with second career pastors and the absolute brightness of so many of the young clergy I meet.

Summer before last, I went to the Young Clergywoman's Conference at the College of Preachers. That conference is in the top two continuing ed. events I've ever attended. I have great confidence, respect and hope for young clergywomen. Second career gals, too, impress me.

I want a young clergywoman nearby with time to talk with me. Lord, send me one, ok?

St.Casserole

Teaching the PW Lesson

I'm teaching the PW lesson for December from the 2008 Jubilee study next week. Didn't realize that my high school classmate, Louise Lawson Johnson co-wrote the book.

Amazing to recall that Louise, Little S. and I graduated from high school together and entered Seminary. I think there was a third girl from our graduating class who went to Gordon-Conwell, but I didn't know her well and don't remember her family name. Wasn't it extraordinary that four girls from the Class of '70 and '71 (Little S.)ended up as pastors? Did anyone notice then?

Thirty years ago we were pioneers of a sort. Little S. graduated the following year after Louise and they ended up at the same university and seminary.

I saw Louise last at the 1989 G.A. in Philadelphia. We spoke for a few minutes then ran back to our work.

She's a smart, fun gal. Brave, too.

Reflecting,

St. Casserole

Q Conference in Austin

Taking a break from contests (see past two postings), I wondering about
this

Do you know anything about it? Attended it?

I like the concept and the location.

Just wondering during Advent,

St.C

Paying Attention to the Wrong Things

We all do this.

No matter how attentive we may be, we miss many big things.

Praying this morning, I realized I passed up the chance to meet a new group of people because I felt overwhelmed with tasks and didn't have a face shot photo. Only today, weeks after the invitation and my rejection of the offer, did I realize what I'd done.

A colleague here in the Disaster Area got a blistering letter from a pastor. The pastor came down to put on a VBS for a church a few weeks ago. The visiting pastor believed that the church should be grateful, empty rooms for the VBS, provide particular housing, and have the colleague be present often. What she didn't realize is that my colleague serves a devastated congregation and his work is with them, not the visiting mission team. The mission team pastor paid attention to her team, her idea of a gift, her sense of how things should be done. Rather than realizing her needs were driving the week, she blamed the colleague. Wrong things.

The reality of living and doing ministry down here is this: if you come (and God knows we are grateful and need the help) come self-sustaining and handle your own stuff. The pastors and congregations are busy, exhausted and need to pay attention to their work, not your idea of the mission trip.

A child behaves in a way we don't understand. We grab the first idea we have for coping. Parenting involves pivoting to grasp what is needed for the child. I've learned this over and over with the Casseroles. Attention to the right things helps.

A church member blasts the pastor. What is going on? Could it be the member needs your attention? Is the member worried, anxious, losing hope for his future?


I'm not sure I'll ever get great at paying attention to the right things. I work on seeing and listening. I pray and listen.


St. Casserole

Yesterday, I headed to the Mockingbird Cafe (thought of you Songbird, will smama and Little S.!) for lunch with two preacher pals. The city looks SO much better although the streets are torn up with infrastructure drainage, etc. repair. Along the Beach road, the lots are bare mostly. It's difficult to rebuild family homes when the codes aren't in place and the insurance companies say, "Oh, we didn't mean you had coverage for that..."


My pals were willing to hear a few stories from my past. I told about the day I was presented to presbytery for approval as a pastor. In those days, we were ordained where we had our first call, so the vote was for my ordination as well as reception into the presbytery. As the Committee on Ministry chair moved for my reception, the Moderator was asked by one of the commissioners, "Do we have to vote on this?" Not "vote on her" or "vote on Miss C." but vote on "this". Without missing a beat, the Moderator said, "No you can vote against it or abstain."


The vote was called for, and the motion to accept me passed.


Not one soul realized that I was the first Presbyterian clergywoman to be ordained
in the state.


Not one soul thought to apologize to me for the previous discussion.


Even I was oblivious. My eye was on the prize of being received by the Presbytery as a Minister of the Word and Sacrament.


This month of blogging about my ordination strikes me as self-serving, which, of course isn't ladylike or gentle. However, in the name of recalling what it was like 30 years ago, I've shared a few tidbits. Frankly, in some ways, clergywomen don't have it any easier than we did back then. Just sayin'.


But a call to ministry isn't about ease anyway. If you have the Call, there isn't anything to do but run through the thorn bushes towards the pulpit.


Love,

St. Casserole

(Photo: Songbird's Sandwich)

Dear Aunt Bostick,

Thirty years ago today, I entered the sanctuary of the church where I served as the associate pastor, dressed in my Geneva gown for my ordination to the Ministry of the Word and Sacrament. It was a Sunday afternoon. My parents were in the congregation along with parishioners and my Commission from Presbytery. I wrote the service with huge chunks from the Episcopal Book of Common Prayer interspersed with the 1956 Book of Common Worship of the P.C.U.S. I don't recall all the hymns, but we did sing "Be Thou My Vision". I remember that hymn because I've used it at each of my installations to new congregations since.


I was awed and happy to finalize all the steps taken to ordination. I was sick to my stomach with anxiety and, probably, lack of food. In those days, I didn't eat. Please do not comment that I've been healed of eating disorders "like a miracle!" (as I've heard you say) because I'm aware that I present in human form much differently than I did 30 years ago.


My Seminary professor preached the sermon. He is a Carolinian and his wife graduated from my college so our affinity began at our first meeting. He is at the Seminary still, writing books and becoming more distinguished looking as the days pass. He was kind to come to the Deep South and be with me for the day. I gave him a piece of the pottery distinctive to this area, the one with the black stripe symbolizing the Mississippi River.


I recall that you were there. You looked at me with amazement that I was becoming a pastor. Every pastor you'd even heard of was male and here I was, in your words, "a little girl". You wondered how ministry would be for me since most people found the idea of a woman in ministry odd and somehow upsetting. You were not quite sure if I should be ordained because you couldn't find the place in the Bible where it said I could be. When you told me this, I reminded you of the Biblical cites and that my denomination approved the ordination of women. Still, you weren't sure.


The local newspaper covered my ordination as actual news, not as the natural progression of a child raised in the church who was baptised, educated and given the approbation of God's people for ordination. After the article appeared, I received all sorts of angry letters from people who believed I was going straight to Hell. I saved mail from detractors in a scrapbook. The book didn't survive the 1985 hurricane so it is just my memory of those angry notes I recall today.


I began my ministry as happy as a gal could be. I was so ready, like a puppy, to jump into whatever God placed in my path, or whatever path God led me to walk. I recall joy so piercing that I could hardly stand it.


I am grateful today for all the good influences I've encountered along my way. I'm grateful, too, for my failures and roadblocks which taught me humility, sacrifice and resourcefulness. I thank God for my calling every single day.

Your niece,

St. Casserole

Next Monday, I will stand at a graveside to lead a service for the reinterment of a child's body. The child died in the 1970's and buried in a faraway State. His mother wishes to have him near her and will bring his body back here.

The theological issues of holding on to the body after death are clear to me. The pastoral issues here speak loudly of the mother's need to have her child near her. Until now, the father did not agree to having his son's body moved. The parents divorced thirty or so years ago, after the son died.

Anyone want to help me plan this graveside service? This is my first re-interment.


The legal and funeral home regulations are fulfilled. No need to worry about those.
Of course, the cemetary will charge for opening and closing the grave. Of course, the funeral home will charge for delivery and handling the remains.

The child received Christian burial years ago. Any ideas for this re-interment?

St. Casserole

This is the world we live in. We are strangers here.
We can do better.

Just Thinking,

St. Casserole