Dear Bloggie Sisters (and Brothers),
At Expeditus' suggestion (see comments in PUP entry), we will observe RANT DAY on Friday, August 12. All rants and craw-stickers shall be shared. You may comment on this blog or on your own.
Have a rant you don't want to claim? Say that it's your "sister's rant" and we'll believe you.
Hesitant to rant because your usual temperment is sunny and perky? Take a day or so to really dig up a good one from the depths of your outraged soul.
Concerned that you might sound petty? No Worries! The more petty the better, Betty!
As small group leader, let me begin the rant-age by sharing the following:
I detest public whistling. SHUT UP!
Waiter, don't take away my plate until everyone at the table is finished eating!
Waiter, don't take my silverware off my plate and place it on the table when bringing a new plate. Bring me a clean set of silverware or don't open a restaurant!
If you are dis-satisfied with your preacher, pray about it until you can find loving charity or go away or just SHUT UP! (ohhhhhhhh that felt good!)
If you are over the age of 3, please chew your gum with your mouth closed. NO SOUNDS, EITHER!
......that's all for tonight. I need to save a few rants for the RANT DAY EVENT!
See you!
St. Casserole
30 comments:
Wow! You've set the bar high for us, Cass, what with this pithy rant that crackles with good curmudgeonly energy.
I'm starting now...
I hate women who stand in the middle of the isle at Walmart gazing at the shelves or talking on their cell phones as if they are the only people in the store and you aren't really there, patiently (or not so patiently) waiting for them to move.
In fact, I just hate Walmart...period.
Yeah, I just got back from grocery shopping.
Driving Rant: Why do people have to loudly share their car's music with me?
Parenting Rant: Why isn't the responsibility gene firmly attached to the fertility gene?
Political Rants:(1) How did the Right convince church people that abortion and homosexuality is wrong, but war, jingoism, intolerance, and cutting aid to the unfortunate is good policy?; (2) What drug did we Southerners take that made us believe that Clinton is vile because of Monica and Hilliary, but Bush is okay after lying us into an unwinable war in Iraq?
Church Rant:(1) See above political rant 1; (2) I believe the Bible left out the 11th Commandmnet, "Be Kind".
I need a deep breath and a glass of wine.
Expeditus
not really a rant yet ... but can't link you through Rev Gals ... it just says done . and it isn't
I could rant about pc stuff forever. Wasted all morning. But I think it's my own lack of skills (again)
oh and aola I hate grocery shopping too - all those trolleys (carts) and people! I've taken to early Saturday morning when there's no-one around except the lovely lady on the cash desk who looks so pleased to see me :)
Oh my goodness. I'll have to pay attention to the things I mutter today so I can type them here. With 4 teens, motherinlaw and "always here hubby"..hmmm shouldn't be too difficult.
What IS so hard about putting the salt and pepper shaker back anyway?
If you have to balance the piece of trash on the peak of the pile...TAKE OUT THE TRASH!
If "you've" been sitting at the 4-way stop for 2 minutes before I get to my stop...DON'T WAVE ME THROUGH and then look at me like I'm an idiot. Just GO! (even if you're an old man and I'm a woman driver).
Uh oh. Once we start how do we stop?
Okay--and I've had it up to HERE with the darned PCUSA call system and the way it is stacked against two career families and also how it makes you feel as desperate and inadequate as you did back when you were dating in high school. There--I feel better.
Petty but health rant:
I hate people wanting to shake my hand when I am sitting at a restaurant eating. Don't they understand that I just washed my hands!!!
Expeditus NonHandshakeus Eatus
When I am reading, don't ask IF I am reading, what I am reading, who wrote it, what's it about..or if you are bothering me. Yes, you are bothering me. I'm reading!
My rants for this am:
If you take your cart out to the parking lot...PUT THE DAMNED THING UP. I hate carts just wondering the parking lot.
If you are turning, use your blinker.
Put on your deodorant just one day without my asking.
I can see that RANT DAY is going well.
My first written rant of the day:
Dear Michelle Blake:
I read THE TENTMAKER, EARTH HAS NO SORROW and just finished THE BOOK OF LIGHT. Where is the next book? Stop messing around and churn these Lily Connor books out! I am wild to read another portion of her life! I love Lily's character, use of scripture/liturgy and interpretation in the books while she solves crimes. And, will the angelic Tom continue to put up with her? I need answers. I NEED ANOTHER LILY CONNOR BOOK right now!
Sincerely, Your Fan,
St. Casserole
Further Rant-age:
Why am I the ONLY person in our home who can replace toilet paper rolls and paper towel rolls?
Why don't Churches have good directional signs to help visitors locate the church? Why don't Churches have good interior signs so visitors can find restrooms, classrooms etc?
Why do the lipstick colors become discontinued as soon as I finish a tube I want to replace?
Why aren't older women kind to younger women?
Why do bus boys use dirty rags to wipe off restaurant tables? Nothing icckier than a sticky table.
Why aren't clergy shirts made in fabrics I like?
Why do vestments cost so much?
Why do the Revgalblogpals live so far away from me?
Here's an irrational rant: Why can't all the people that I like and love and appreciate just quit thinking so much about themselves and come live by me and then move to follow me everytime that I move so that I don't have to worry about all of this saying goodbye crap or living far away from people that I love and appreciate. It would make my life a lot easier if they'd just do this one thing for me.
RANT DAY:
I detest the mall! Oh my. It's as bad as Wal-Mart where I live, for the stander around-ers. (My dear sweetie actually went out and bought me 4 pretty outfits while I was on vacation, because I am out of clothes, because I HATE THE MALL!)
also, why is it that my men will not turn their socks right side out before putting them in the washpile? I'm not doing it anymore. They get clean yet caddywhampus socks back, just as caddywhampus as they came to me!
thanks, I needed that!
great idea...
RANT DAY:
YOu people with "walkie-talkie" cell phones, fork over some bucks and get a real one. We really don't want to hear both sides of your conversations.
Car drivers, get your head out of your cell and realize pedestrians exist and if we're in the cross walk or driveway, it's ours.
If your in a store aisle need to ponder, PARK IT TO THE SIDE.
Servers, when I order iced tea with free refills, I really do want the refills! Feel free to bring me some when you're serving coffee refills to all those other people.
...I'm sure there's more...gosh, I feel better
Okay, don't get me started!
Last night, my flight was five hours late. Not only was it five hours late, but they took us to another airport, and I had to take a cab over to my primary destination to retrieve my luggage (which actually did a better job of getting to the proper destination than I did) and my car. Why did the luggage handler (at 12:15 a.m. when I was tired and trying to be nice) be so snotty about opening the damn luggage room so I could find my sorry little suitcase? Not my fault that USeless Airways didn't let them know we'd be coming.
(major guilt about that one - he's probably paid minimum wage and was tired too)
Why do some men feel compelled to comment on EVERYTHING in a business meeting, even when they have nothing to contribute, because they like to hear the sound of their own voices?
Why does the supermarket never have the stuff that I've got cents-off coupons for now?
Why does my rector think it's all about him when we discuss my discernment process?
Why do people pretend to tell the truth, and then act shocked when they're caught in a lie?
Why did the Republican party (of which I was a member for many years) allow itself to be hijacked by all the nuts? Where is the party of John Danforth and Nelson Rockefeller and Lowell Weicker?
Why do people sit in the middle of the floor at the airport with their laptops going adn their cellphones attached to their ears, while others are trying to get to their (changed) gate?
Why is chocolate fattening?
Ditto on the toilet paper and trash rant. Laundry, too. Lily Connor book, too.
Why do I feel guilty for ranting?
...and why do different clothing manufacturers size their stuff differently, so depending upon the brand, I wear size 6, 8, 10, or 42?
I'm sorry, I just need to rant again!!
But this time it's about a specific person with whom I work who I cannot STAND. Mr. God doesn't like me to not like people as much as I dislike this petty show-off braggart passive aggressive individual. PAH!
Just came from a luncheon with him, you can't IMAGINE how much I needed to say that! Thanks y'all.
mb
A reading from the Book of Rant, chapter 6 verses 1-4:
Thou shalt not ask women that thou hast no acquaintance with how tall they are.
It is also written that thou shalt not ask these same women if they played basketball in their youth.
It is further written that thou shalt make no comments about the probable height of these same women's husbands, sons or daughters.
Verily, thou shalt show some manners and keep thine comments about the personal appearance of others to thineself. Thou shalt smile politely and pass by in silence.
Here endeth the rant, er..reading.
The Second Lesson from the Book of Rant
Thou shall keep to thyself any comments about the gender of thy preacher. You shall not comment on thy preacher's height, thy preacher's husband or thy preacher's children. Thou shall not call thy preacher "our Little Preacher" even if thy heart is kindled by the love one hast for thy preacher.
Thou shall not suggest to thy preacher that she must stand on scrolls to reach the pulpit and be seen by her flock. Yea, any personal comments shall be girded within thy mouth and given only to the lilies of the field who do not sow or reap.
Thou shall recall that the work woman is worthy of her hire. Generosity to thy preacher will keep thee in the pleasant places while stiffing thy preacher will make deep Job-ian sores erupt on thy hindquarters.
This is the word of the Second Lesson. Amen.
And while we are at it, let's talk about our local grocery chain, which puts sales fliers in every Sunday paper, then prominently displays items that look EXACTLY like the items in the flyer--but aren't.
"Oh I'm so sorry ma'am. It's the 12oz packages of cheese that are on sale, not the 16 oz." Or "It's the single rolls of paper towel that are three for a dollar, not the three rolls in packs."
"It's the same brand. Aren't three rolls three rolls??"
"No ma'am. Would you like me to send someone for the single rolls?"
No I wouldn't. Because I got this mixed up in the first place because I got distracted by these two cranky kids I had to bring shopping with me. The same two cranky kids who are going to melt down completely if they have to stand next to the forbidden candy in the check-out lane for another five minutes while you page someone to go fetch the sales items your store advertized and then friggin' HID!!!!!
This is some top-notch, USDA Grade A rantin' all up in here.
I went to the dentist this morning. Enough said? Yes, I think I won't relive those moments.
Let's see...
Who was it that left flour all over the counter? And I mean all over.. not in a bag, not confined to one place... all over.
On a similar note.. why can't boys understand how to clean up as you go along.. it's so much easier than having a giant cleaning fit. Just, you know.. wipe up the counter when you spill something.. run the dishwasher when it's full.. something like that. Just once, so I know you can do it.
And maybe, just maybe, you could take the folded clean clothes out of the laundry baskets so you have a place to put dirty clothes that doesn't involve tripping me flat on my face at 6 AM. Maybe?
Ok.. I think I might be done now. Although I really wish the novocaine was still around.
My rant got so long and detailed and single-subjected that it's my whold blog entry for today. But my these are SOOOO funny!!! St. Cass, I've been looking for ANY Michelle Blake book for months after someone (maybe you) mentioned her. Couldn't find her at Powell's or Amazon. Spill. Where are you buying these gems?
Its nice to see the cloth let go with their inner-pissed-off-child.
One thing I hear constantly among my many minister friends (mostly Presbys, Methodists and Episcopalians), as a common minister rant:
Why do parishioners feel free to say the worst things about me (i.e, the minister)when they know full well that as a minister I don't feel like I can respond in kind and really defend myself.
Expeditus Tefloncommentus Irritatus
Damn, we are good at this!!
PPB, and anyone else who's had that airplane experience, you must read this.
I got home too late to play and here is why:
My former father-in-law and his wife had two other relatives to drop off before I met them at their house to get the boys last night. I got a call at 10:50 p.m. saying they would meet me at 11:30. When I arrived, no one was there. They pulled in at 11:51; we got home at 12:10 a.m. If I had driven the 30 minutes to the theatre to meet them, I could have been home and in bed by 11:30.
Did I mention that I had to be up at 6 this morning to drive #2 Son 180 miles to a UCC State Youth Council gathering?
Grrrr.
Amen, sister! Preach it.
By the way, about your comment on your own post, if you are ever in Ft. Lauderdale, visit Morony's Church supply. They sell the best clergy shirts. Some are in excess of $100, but the fabric is perfect, good weave, and the dye stays intact forever.
Another perspective on the airplane seat thing: twice in the last year I have made advance reservations and seat selections to ensure that I was seated with my two kids, only to arrive at the airport and get issued boarding passes which assigned at least one of us to a different row. In both cases the airline's explaination was, "computer glitch" and their solution was, "see if you can get someone to switch seats with you." So--at least consider the possibility that the peson asking you to switch is not a procrastinating deadbeat, but the victim of a computer glitch who is merely following the ticket agent's instructions.
Can I rant about being on holiday and missing the rant...
and squeeze in just one late entry??
Pretty please...
In a household of 5 able bodied human beings, 3 of whom are technically considered "adult" why am I apparently the only one biologically equipped to clean loos, put anything in the recycling bins, or put onion skins in the bin when preparing food??
I only ask because I'd love to know....
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