Worries on My Mind

I've got worries on my mind. I'm not asking for solace here. Really. I'm meditating on what worries I have on my plate and if it makes sense to worry. Beyond deciphering worries into manageable piles, I'm considering that my worries make complete sense.

Life is like this. We have worries which are silly and worries which make sense. I'm not even to the point of anticipating how to handle the worries if they all blow up into worse worries. I'm simply stewing in worry juice.

I suppose I'm not very good at worrying anymore. After going through fire-heaps of misery, most stuff sloughs off. I can shake worry not because I don't care or feel nothing but because I hold on to God, like Jacob, until I'm blessed or until the worry is appeased. Either one works for me.

My stomach is in knots and this doesn't feel very good. I'm so fortunate that I can feel the knots unlike someone with endless, constant worries who doesn't remember what before knots feels like. And, I have people I can talk with about my troubles. Thank you, God, for this!

We visited with friends tonight from our old neighborhood. We visited about who moved where, who was still on the old street and so on. After the visit, I realized that my stomach was relaxed and I'd forgotten my troubles. The comfort came from taking my eyes off my own full plate and recalling the lives of others. The warmth of the friends, including charming bouts of rapidly crossing themselves (making the sign of the cross) when death was mentioned, helped. We were one of the few protty couples on an RC street. Maybe my love of RC devotional piety items began there.

I calmed down. The children greeted us on our return home with all their scampering questions about school tomorrow, more laundry to wash, phone calls to return and so I'm sitting here tensing up again.

It helps when you pray for me. I remember you in my prayers, too. Sometimes in general and often specifically I tell God about you and ask for God's presence in your lives.

I'm not being coy or mysterious with this post. It's my own business and the details don't matter outside of my small circle. We are all fine and moving along with our work and lives so don't do any dramatic thinking about what is worrying me. I'm just telling you the process and asking for a prayer.

St. C