Tuesday, December 21, 2004

Early Morning Quiet

Having childen changed me from a night owl to an early bird. Over the years since their lesson for me I've gone from making peace with being awaken in the night to enjoying early morning hours. The children sleep late now and I get up early. I fought being awakened when they were very young whereas now I like to grab the early morning hours for a quiet time.
This morning I am up early and sitting in a quiet house. One extra child is with us. She and our daughter are sleeping in the family room one of the sofa, the other on the floor. I crept in the dark to cover them up since we are in a cold spell.
The old man cat appreciates my early rising as he can have breakfast then a warm lap. The young cat eats a chomping big breakfast then goes outside. Old man cat prefers the inside this winter.
I read the papers online from around the world. I read your blogs. Answer my email and write you if I've got anything to say. I go outside to stare at the sky and pray.
This morning, in the dark quiet, I am thinking about my mother.
I miss my mother. She's been dead for almost ten years but her memory is fresh with me. I wish I could phone her to ask her about what she was like when she was my age. I'd like to hear more family stories. I wish she could see our children and enjoy how the children have picked up some of her traits. I wish I could hear her voice again.
My grief over her death has changed in ten years. It isn't a sharp pain now but is a familiar longing which doesn't frighten me or reduce me to tears. I've heard that we forge new relationships with our dead loved ones as the years go by and this appears to be true for me. I've never lost my sense of gratitude that she is free from pain now and is with God in a world I'm not to know or understand while I'm in this world. But, I miss her.

1 comment:

the reverend mommy said...

I never miss my mother more than on a holiday -- I couldn't remember how to cook the Christmas ham, like she always did and I didn't have her to ask how to treat the broken heart of a 10 girl. I have a couple of good friends, but nothing will ever replace the acceptance and love and advice of a mother.

Blessings on you and yours.