Wednesday, December 22, 2004

St.Casserole Annual Christmas Letter

Greetings to you! We hope you've had a great year!
We've celebrating winning the state lottery four times in one year, being awarded the Nobel Prize for Peace, both of us got MacArthur Genius Grants and we ran the NY Marathon without breaking into a sweat. Our children, LS and LD are being studied by world renown scientists as the greatest children in the world. This study has not interfered with our family life except to make both children late for dinner twice since the study began. The Middle School was renamed in honor of LD and the High School renamed in honor of LS. I'd ask the children if all this attention has gone to their heads but they are both off working in Calcutta with the Sisters of Charity.
LH has become the president of his national professional group which was re-named in his honor. Justice has rolled down like a mighty river thanks to his efforts. I've rewritten most of John Calvin's Institutes to say what Calvin meant to say if he'd really considered his thoughts. The work took almost an entire weekend but I thought it was important.
The oddest thing to report about our past year is that people finally came to understand that having money doesn't mean that one has taste. This has allowed people in my community and state to approach me about what they should do with their architectural house plans and decorating ideas. I expect to see some visual improvement in the next years. I've re-styled everyone's appearance, home (interior and exterior) and removed such speech infractions as "Oh My God!" and saying "I'm done" for "I'm finished." One of my favorite experiences was seeing men all over the state trim their bushy eyebrows and use the piles of eyebrow hair to fertilize their rosebeds. Oh!, not to brag, but all roses have been renamed in my honor. Is that fun or what?
We hope this letter finds you well and happy. Come see us when you can. Call first as we want to be ready for your visit by being home.
Love and Kisses,
LH and St. Casserole

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