Sunday, September 18, 2005

What Makes Me Cry

I'm not a cryer. I mist-up or well-up. I don't hold back tears or save them up for later or stuff them. I just don't cry often. I haven't shed a tear about Katrina.

Until this morning.

My husband told me that Ruby is leaving the Coast to live in Chicago.
I lost it. Wailed. Let it out good. I'm in the house alone because everyone has gone to church.

I love Ruby. She is part of the weave of my life, a pretty part of what gives me a sense of place, sweetness and LIFE. I knew I felt this way about her but it never occurred to me that when I return home, she won't be there.

She told me the last time I saw her on August 25, "I'll see you Monday if the Lord says the same".
Who knew that was the last time we saw each other before the Hurricane?

I trust God for her care. I trust God for my care. I trust, I trust...

As my New Orleans relatives, Roman Catholics all, say, "Jesus Mary and Joseph!!!!" I am upset.

St. C

9 comments:

Songbird said...

There are so many different kinds of loss here, aren't there? I'm so sorry.

cheesehead said...

Oh Cass...

This must just feel like loss on top of loss. Let the tears fall.

(((Cass)))
(((Ruby)))

Cathy said...

Well, your post brought tears to my eyes. Not only did Katrina tear up the Gulf Coast, but it tore up one of the most important parts - the community of people we love. Did not tear up their connectedness inside, but their physical proximity of each other.

During the most traumatic times of my life, it always took several days or weeks for it all to hit the very core of my being and for a good crying jag to hit.
I am so very sorry...
Cathy

the reverend mommy said...

Jesus, Mary and Jospeh!

It's really the people that make a place -- and we might get over losing the things -- but losing people is so much more difficult. And losing our sense of "place." You are daily in my thoughts and prayers and I wish I could be with you and we could cry together.

All my love to you and yours

peripateticpolarbear said...

(o)

Lorna said...

can add no more but my love and a 'oh no' from deep deep within

:(

Friday Mom said...

Oh, St. Cass. I'm so sorry. The losses just keep coming...

Sue said...

I'm so sorry. Hugs.

Princess of Everything (and then some) said...

Words are just so small at times.