When God, the Creator of the Earth, the Sun and All that is, even us, created the Deep South God meant for us to live this way during August:
1. All roofers and outdoor laborers would go shelve library books in the air conditioning. All library personnel go home to read all the books they can't get to during the year or take vacations. Pay remains the same for all. Construction Companies management go on vacation for August.
2. No Moms give birth during August as it is too hot to carry around the extra heft.
3. All mosquitos die in February and never return. Gnats, too.
4. No men wear long sleeved shirts, ties and undershirts to work. No women wear panty hose or anything uncomfortable like tight clothing or girdles/grippies/Hold'ems. Lightweight natural fabrics like linen (no ironing, either!), cotton and nekkidness are the fashion.
5. Everyone has access to outdoor bathtubs with privacy and swimming pools. Everyone learns to swim so no one drowns. No one dives headfirst into water of unknown depth.
6. August becomes the month to let grass and weeds "rest" from cutting and pruning. It would be louche to use power tools on greenery.
7. No child goes to school. All schools remain empty for the month. Teachers, administrators and staff go on vacation.
8. Diets turn from heavy foods to very light meals featuring home-grown tomatos, Silver Queen corn and local fruit. All grocery store peaches are prohibited until 2078.
9. Ice cream is viewed as a suitable dinner along with banana popscicles and other ice cream novelities of one's choice.
10. All famous "Winter" movies are featured on TV while any shot of the Sahara Desert or beach movies are shown in cold months.
11. Every family has easy access to ice machines with plenty of ice. Iced coffee is preferred over hot coffee.
12. Any woman having "power surges" during August may either blast out her family, take a turn as a bill collector for businesses or simply do what she durn well pleases without comment from anyone.
Think about it. Doesn't this sound like God's purposes for us in August?