Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Announcing Friday Contest!

Here's your chance to tell a funny joke, make a happy comment or tell about an experience that made you laugh. Place your entry in the comments section.
The winner will receive a pinecone from the St. Casserole Family Pine Grove.
These rare pinecones survived the worst natural disaster in US History (according to dramatic exaggerators of TV and print).
The impartial judges, selected by Ernest and Ernest Famous Accoutrements will announce the winner (s) on Saturday.
Ready! Set! Go!


reverendmother said...

I got this one from a parishioner just this morning (with the caveat that it had no applicability to us preachers here at Suburban Presbyterian Church):

An elderly woman walked into the local country church. The friendly usher greeted her at the door and helped her up the flight of steps.
"Where would you like to sit?" he asked politely.

"The front row please," she answered.
"You really don't want to do that," the usher said.
"The pastor is really boring."
"Do you happen to know who I am?" the woman inquired.
"No." he said.
"I'm the pastor's mother," she replied indignantly.
"Do you know who I am?" he asked.
"No." she said.
"Good," he answered.

will smama said...

I was just reminded of this because we now have a new Executive Presbyter (the next level up from the church is the Presbytery made up in our case of about 60 churches).

A few months into my solo pastorate here and we hit the Advent season running. On the third Sunday of Advent I was stunned to see our very proper, very highly esteemed Executive Presbyter in the congregation with his prim, proper, decently and in order wife. That morning I was preaching from the lectionary text about Joseph. What was the sermon title printed in bold and italicized on both the front and inside of the bulletin?

"Whose Your Daddy?"

see-through faith said...

I left a nice one over at atrophy's site to cheer her up
hang on - I'll go find it :)

Lorna said...

A sign was hanging in an office window. It read:

Help wanted.
Must type 70 words a minute.
Must be computer literate.
Must be bilingual.
An equal opportunity employer.

A dog was ambling down the street and saw the sign. He looked at it for a moment, pulled it down with his mouth, and walked into the manager's office, making it clear he wished to apply for the job.

The office manager laughed and said, "I can't hire a dog for this job."

The dog pointed to the line: "An equal opportunity employer."

So the manager said, "OK, take this letter and type it." The dog went off to the word processor and returned a minute later with the finished letter, perfectly formatted.

The manager said, "Alright, here's a problem. Write a computer program for it and run it."

Fifteen minutes later, the dog came back with the correct answer.

The manager still wasn't convinced. "I still can't hire you for this position. You've got to be bilingual."

The dog looked up at the manager and said, "Meow."

peripateticpolarbear said...

I got nothin' but these are good. PPB
PS: any mail yet?

HurricaneHelper said...

Here is my imagination about a Brown memo:

From the Desk of Michael Brown at FEMA:

Dear Staff:

The media seems to have focused on us. Go figure. We must be careful. From now on watch your language, especially when discussing me. Here is what I am doing:

If I say that "I am surveying the levees", I am out to lunch.
If I say that "I am personally speaking to the president", I am getting my hair cut.
If I say that "I am giving an exclusive interview right now", I am in the bathroom.
If I say that "I am in the communications room, directing trucks into Mississippi", I am still in the bathroom.
If I say that "I am helping with FEMA applications", I am taking a nap.
If I say that "I am in a helicopter and can’t talk", Governor Blanco is trying to track me down.
If I say that "I am looking for a dog sitter", I am trying to avoid George Bush.
If I say that "I am helping serve meals in Gulfport, Mississippi", I am having a long lunch in Baton Rouge after which I will give an "exclusive interview" and "help with FEMA applications".

More memo later, I am helping "an old widow woman with her flooded house".


Cathy said...

WEll, I bet you have more than one pine cone - you can send those "cockleburrs (what some of our kids around here call them)" out to different churches and we can raise money with a "pine cone that survived Katrina"

Just a thought.

Anonymous said...

ATLANTA—A recently discovered strain of custard could cause a worldwide flandemic, Centers For Dessert Control warned Monday.

(from the Onion)

reilly said...

Shoot, this contest is more fun than (pick one):

"disinfecting your refrigerator"
"bleaching your grout"
"unpeeling your photo album"
"reading MRE instructions"
"slapping insects"
"counting people ahead of you in the FEMA intake line"
"driving 603 at night"

Anonymous said...

I am not on the Awards Committee, but I would give the Cone of Humor to reverendmother.


Friday Mom said...

RM's joke is tough competition, but thought I'd share my best laugh of the week over here anyway.

I took SFW to get a library card on Monday. In a flash of inspiration, I suggested we go to Target to get a wallet so he would have something to carry it in. We got to the store; I picked three options and let him choose. When we got to the car, he put his libary card and ID card in it, then put the wallet in his back pocket. He had a big grin on his face, obviously proud to be among the wallet carrying men in his family.

We went home and made dinner. AM came home from work and we all sat down to eat. As soon as SFW was finished with his dinner he ran to his room, came out with the wallet in his hand, the section for money was wide open. He went into the kitchen, straight to where AM left her purse when she came in and started digging for money to put in his wallet, saying "dollars" over and over as he dug.

Gotta hand it to the kid...he certainly knows where money comes from!

Purechristianithink said...

What's grey and wears glass slippers?


Steph said...

In my high school biology class, one of our token male teachers (at an all-girls school) asked: What is the best form of birth control?

One of the generally troublesome students, but at this point actually being serious (yet slightly vocabularily-challenged), replied: Absence.

Quotidian Grace said...

Here's one called "Woman's Revenge"

"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.

As she fumbled in her wallet, I noticed a remote control for a television in her purse.

"Do you always carry your television remote?" I asked.

"No," she replied. "But my husband refused to come shopping with me and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."

Aola said...

I love the last one (remote) but I vote for "Who's your Daddy"

Songbird said...

I really like the Mike Brown memo.